Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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