I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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