I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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