no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
