I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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