i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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