Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
