someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
