the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
