he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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