Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
