My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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