I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
