I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
