On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
