if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
