You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
