Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
