if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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