What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Its about making memories worth repressing
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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