I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
