i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
