Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
