Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
