Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
