I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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