last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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