I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
