youre lurking in front of me
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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