Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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