I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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