I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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