Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
