My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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