Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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