yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Found the puke drawer
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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