I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
