Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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