tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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