why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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