if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
