I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
