I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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