I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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