Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
