kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
