I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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