you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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