i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
