u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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