I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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