never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
