Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
