dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
