with your own penis?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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